Family mediation can be a positive step towards resolving conflicts and finding workable solutions that benefit everyone involved. If you’ve never been to mediation before, it’s natural to feel a little uncertain or nervous about what to expect. The good news is, with some preparation, you can walk into your first session feeling more confident and ready to engage constructively.
Following her earlier blog, 6 reasons why one-to-one initial meetings are crucial before family mediation, trained family mediator, and family law and divorce lawyer, Helen Clyne this time provides a simple guide to help you prepare for your first family mediation session:
1. Review the agreement to mediate
Before joint mediation sessions begin, you will have attended an initial meeting with your family mediator during which they will have gone through the Agreement to Mediate with you. This is a document that you, your spouse or partner and the mediator will sign to confirm you agree to try mediation. It can be a lot to take it and there might have been a significant gap in time between your initial meeting and the first joint mediation session. It can be helpful to re-read the Agreement to Mediate because this sets out the principles of mediation and the role of the mediator in terms of what they can and can’t do.
2. Plan your time before and after mediation
Schedule your mediation session for a time that gives you some space before and after the session. Avoid attending mediation straight after dropping the children at school or immediately before an important work meeting. Give yourself some time to collect your thoughts beforehand and get into the right frame of mind so that you are ready to focus on the mediation and engage in constructive discussions. Think about where you will go after the mediation and what you will do. It might be helpful to go for a walk or have a coffee somewhere to reflect on how it went.
3. Identify your goals and priorities
Think about what you want to achieve through mediation. Whether it’s resolving financial issues on your separation or divorce or agreeing child arrangements, having clear goals helps keep discussions focused. Are there any pressing matters that you want to raise and deal with at the first session? Think about how you want to explain these.
Make a list of key points you want to discuss or questions you want to raise. It’s helpful to prioritise these, so the most important issues get addressed first.
4. Prepare emotionally for family mediation
Family mediation involves discussing sensitive topics and can sometimes bring up strong emotions. Try to:
- approach the session with an open mind and willingness to listen
- practice staying calm, even if conversations get tense – you can to take a break during the session if you would like to
- remember that family mediation is about finding common ground, not winning or losing.
Do not feel pressured to agree something you are not ready to. It is ok to say you need time to think about a proposed solution.
5. Ensure you have support
If you are going through a divorce or separation, you are likely to be experiencing a rollercoaster of strong emotions. It is important to have support from trusted friends or family members. Family mediation can be emotionally demanding and so it is really recommended that you share what you are going through with someone you trust. You may also want to consider receiving professional support from a counsellor.
6. Be ready to communicate clearly and respectfully
Effective mediation depends on good communication. Aim to:
- listen actively to your spouse or partner
- speak honestly but calmly
- avoid blame or accusations
- focus on solutions rather than past conflicts.
The family mediator will help facilitate this, but a positive attitude plays a big role in making mediation successful.
7. Get advice from a specialist family solicitor
It is always recommended that if you are using family mediation that you should also get your own independent legal advice. Before the first mediation, you might find it helpful to ask your solicitor what to expect and how to prepare for the meeting. They might advise you to raise certain issues for discussion. If the purpose of your mediation is to discuss financial issues connected with your divorce, there will likely need to be a process of disclosure. This can be done through mediation. However, it is sensible to discuss with your solicitor what level of disclosure you need and what questions you should ask about the other’s finances.
Final thoughts
Preparing well for your first family mediation session can make the whole experience smoother and more positive. Remember, family mediation is a process designed to help you find workable solutions and move forward with less stress and conflict. Your mediator is there to support you and manage your conversation to ensure it is balanced and productive. Your solicitor can help you prepare as well.
The contents of this article are intended for general information purposes only and shall not be deemed to be, or constitute legal advice. We cannot accept responsibility for any loss as a result of acts or omissions taken in respect of this article.