6 reasons why one-to-one initial meetings are crucial before family mediation

When families are going through separation or dealing with conflict, family mediation offers a more constructive, cost-effective, and respectful alternative to going to court or other approaches to resolving disputes. But before joint mediation sessions begin, each participant is invited to a one-to-one initial meeting with the mediator. In this blog, family law and divorce specialist, and qualified family mediator, Helen Clyne explains why these meetings add value to the family mediation process.

I recently received an enquiry from someone who was very keen to try family mediation and queried whether the initial meeting was necessary. I explained that these meetings aren’t just a formality – they play a vital role in setting the stage for a safe, effective, and meaningful mediation process.

What is a one-to-one initial meeting? 

An initial meeting is a private, confidential meeting between you and the mediator – without your spouse or partner present. It typically lasts around 45 minutes to an hour and is the first formal step before family mediation can begin. 

6 reasons why initial family mediation meetings matter 

1. Ensuring safety and suitability

The most important function of the one-to-one meeting is to assess whether family mediation is safe and appropriate for your situation. Not all family disputes are suitable for mediation – especially when there are concerns about domestic abuse, coercive control, or a significant power imbalance. The mediator uses this time to sensitively explore any concerns and decide if mediation is the right path. 

2. Your opportunity to speak freely

In a joint session, emotions can run high, and it can be difficult to speak openly. The one-to-one meeting gives each person the chance to explain their circumstances, hopes, and fears without interruption. This private space often allows you to express things you may not feel comfortable saying in front of your partner. This can help the mediator understand what is really going on, which assists them to mediate more effectively between the divorcing or separating couple. 

3. Explaining the family mediation process

Many people come to mediation unsure of what to expect. The initial meeting gives the family mediator a chance to explain how it works, what it involves, and what outcomes are (and aren’t) possible. Importantly, the mediator will explain their role in terms of what they can and can’t do. This helps manage expectations and empowers you to make informed decisions. 

4. Building trust with the mediator

Trust is essential in family mediation. The initial meeting helps you get a feel for the mediator’s style and approach and gives you a chance to ask any questions you might have. It’s an opportunity to start building a relationship with the person who will guide the process. 

5. Clarifying your goals

Prior to the initial meeting you and your partner will be asked to complete a preliminary information form. This sets out your background information and enables the mediator to identify their concerns and priorities for mediation. The one-to-one meeting allows you to talk this through with your mediator and focus on what you want to achieve. Whether it’s sorting out financial arrangements, or reaching a parenting plan, the mediator will help you clarify your priorities and what a successful outcome would look like for you. 

6. Setting the right tone

Mediation works best when both individuals are coming to the table voluntarily and in good faith. The initial meetings help ensure that you both understand the process, feel prepared, and are coming into the joint sessions with a willingness to listen and find solutions. 

In summary 

The one-to-one initial meeting is far more than an administrative step. It’s a key part of the mediation process that helps ensure safety, build understanding, and lay the groundwork for productive conversations. By taking the time to listen to each individual separately, the mediator can tailor the process to your unique needs—giving you and your partner the best possible chance of reaching a resolution that works for everyone involved.

If you’re considering family mediation, embrace the initial meeting as your chance to feel heard, ask questions, and prepare for mediation ahead. It’s the first step toward resolving conflict with respect and clarity.

Our mediator, Helen Clyne offers initial meetings at £150 plus VAT per person. If you would like to explore family mediation, please contact Helen on hc@debenhamsottaway.co.uk or 01727 738250.